Rough draft: Competitions in
paradise
Everybody thinks Hawaii is
all about the beaches, paradise, & vacations, but theirs a lot more to
that. The Kamehameha song contest is a big deal in Hawaii. It
brings back the culture and language. The Kamehameha song contest helps
students learn more about their Hawaiian culture and their language. Song
contest is a big part in Hawaiian culture, it expresses the language and
culture of the native Hawaiians.
Their is a lot of history
behind the Kamehameha song contest. Song contest has been going on for
many years. Kamehameha schools have been going on for a long time. They been doing song contest for
about 92 years. The director of the Kamehameha song contest is Laura
brown. She does all the songs and picking it all out. Song contest
has many different groups, such as all girls, all boys, and mixed. Each year song contest has different
kinds of Hawaiian songs for each of the different groups. By having song contest the students can
learn the language and how to sing and talk in Hawaiian. This is really important to their
culture.
The most important part of
the Kamehameha song contest is the culture. The Hawaiian culture is important because at one point they
got their culture taken away. So it’s
a good thing that they are bringing it back. By bringing the culture back the Kamehameha song contest is
making the students sing everything in Hawaiian. and there are many different
songs for each group. Its really
good that Kamehameha teaches the students to talk and sing in Hawaiian because
hardly any one now days no how to talk in Hawaiian.
The
song contest is also a big part in Hawaiian culture. It brings back the language of the native Hawaiians. The songs in the song contest are songs
that have only Hawaiian language in them.
The Hawaiian language songs is good so that the students can learn how
to speak and sing the language and song.
The song contest is a big part in the language because it teaches the
students how to speak their own language.
That’s why the Kamehameha song contest is a big part in the Hawaiian
culture.
The
song contest is a big part in Hawaiian history, language, and culture. It brings back the Hawaiian ways of
learning and speaking and culture.
Song contest is a big part of Hawaiian culture, it expresses the language
and culture of the native Hawaiians.
HEY BRIANNE �� So like while I was reading your essay I felt that there was some information that is missing. Also adding more detail to your paragraphs would make your essay more super and radical. OKAY BYE BRIANNE ☺
ReplyDeleteBrianne your essay was good. You could fix some grammar errors. In the body you have two paragraph about culture. You can combine them to one and make another paragraph about how it is now. Over all I liked your essay and you did a good job.
ReplyDeleteNEED TO CREATE SMOOTHER TRANSITION FROM OPENING STATEMENTS TO SONG CONTEST...NOT HAWAII IS KNOWN FOR BEACH PARADISE, BUT THERE IS ALSO SONG CONTEST. THERE ALSO SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF FACTS MISSING IN YOUR BODY PARAGRAPHS MAKE SURE IT FOLLOWS THE CHUNKY PARAGRAPH TEMPLATE FOR EACH PARAGRAPH AND THAT YOU HAVE ACTUAL FACTS FROM RESEARCH. ALSO BE CAREFUL ON WORD USE ESPECIALLY "THEIR." AS(2)
ReplyDelete