Sunday, November 2, 2014

Risky business Rough draft (cyberbullying)

           Cyber bullying for very few people could be a good thing like gaining self confidence for people who don't have any confidence, but for most people its a terrible thing for someone to do.  It can cause so many problems for the kids that had been cyber bullied, for instance feeling sadness & loneliness, having the lost if interest they enjoyed doing in the pas before they were bullied, and even committing too suiccide.  Now days we have so much technology most people find useful and helpful.  Just think a little for a moment about what technology can do to kids now days like cyber bullying.

             Now days social media has so many goods and bade about it.  This depends on how you use these different social media sites or apps.  For some people they really don't like so social media even though it's a really helpful source.  But people take that source for granted by cyber bullying people.  When people get cyber bullied they tend to start feeling sad&lonley.  When they start to get those feels they start to exclude there self for the social life and most of there friends.

            Cyber bullying has so many affects that people can have when one is cyber bullied the most common is probably comitting to suiccide.  Now days if you see on the news or newspaper you here every so often someone committed to suiccide.  Mostly if kids committe to suiccide now days it probably from cyberbullying.  This affect is one of the most horrifying thing anyone can do.  This is one of the most horrible affects to suiccide.

           The last affect of cyber bullying and how it is cause by social media is having the list of interest of things they enjoyed doing before they were cyber bullied.  this is the most tragic one because it's like losing all you hobbies you have enjoyed and it just dissapears.  Many kids might have this problem because they could have been cyber bullied on the sport they played or what they enjoyed or liked.  This is why cyberbullying can cause the lost of interest of things they enjoyed dong before they were bullied.

         Cyber bullying to some people can be a good thing like gaining self confidence,  but too most people it's a terrible thing for some one to do it can cause suiccide, the lack of sadness&lonliness,  and the Lost of interest of things they enjoyed during before they were bullied.  This is only one of the many problems social media can cause If you don't use it in the right way.

3 comments:

  1. Other than sentence structure And grammar I think this is a great draft.

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  2. I think you need more facts and statistics because it feels like you're talking about depression in all 3 paragraphs. Also, there were grammatical errors throughout the essay. Try to make your paragraphs more detailed and longer so that the reader gets informed about our topic. (:

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  3. AS(1) FACTS, FACTS, FACTS! YOU NEED TO FACTS IN YOUR BODY PARAGRAPHS TO SUPPORT YOUR DISCUSSION. YOU NEED STATISTICS, RESEARCH DONE, AND/OR DIRECT QUOTES. ALSO REMEMBER INTRO NEVER STARTS WITH THESIS, IT ENDS WITH YOUR THESIS STATEMENT. INTRO STARTS WITH BROAD TOPIC DISCUSSION, THEN PRESENT THE ISSUE, THEN THESIS STATEMENT. YOU NEED FACTS!

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