Thursday, December 18, 2014

Parent commenting plus portfolio

ENGLISH PORTFOLIO: http://brisumida.wix.com/briannesumida

PARENT COMMENT:  Good job with your work this semester.  You are making progress in your writing skills.  Remember to check for spelling and grammar errors.    I am glad that you have been more responsible about your work.  Try to be a quality producer--STRIVE to do a good job on every assignment.  I liked reading your "Coming of Age" essay.  You had a lot of voice in your writing.
I would like you to fully understand the writing assignment.  Support your writing with details and remember "chunky paragraph". 

Friday, December 5, 2014

Angry letter (draft)

1544 Haku Street
Honolulu, Hawaii, 96819
December 3, 2014

Shimazu Store
330 North School Street
Honolulu, HI 96817

Dear Shimazu Administration,

My family and I have been going to your store for many years to eat shave ice, even when it used to be B&S Store.  Every time we were around the Liliha area, my sisters and I would beg our parents or grandparents to go to your store, wait in the long line, and eat shave ice, especially the strawberry.

However, recently we have had some concerns about the prices of your shave ice.  Just  last weekend my family and I went to your store to eat shave ice and found out that your prices have gotten extremely high.  I noticed that throughout the years that I have been going, your prices have risen from about $2.25 to the current cost of $4.00.  I understand that the size of your shave ice is huge and there are many different favors to choose from, however,  the price is to high for a weekly treat.  Many customers also want to add toppings such as azuki beans, mocha balls, condensed milk, or li hing powder.  These additions cost 75 cents or more for EACH topping!

Although you have the best shave ice on the island, spending $5.00 for an afternoon snack is more expensive than two school lunches!  Perhaps making a smaller sized shave ice for a reasonable price would be better for young children who cannot finish an entire shave ice by themselves.

Shimazu shave ice is a well-known treat and should be enjoyed by all.  If your prices were more reasonable, we would be able to enjoy your shave ice regularly, not just as a once in awhile  treat.

I understand that since your shave ice is so popular that even if you raise your prices, people will still come.  But I  feel that your longtime regular customers, like my family and me, will not be able to continue to enjoy our favorite strawberry shave ice as often as we would like.


Sincerely,




Brianne Sumida